individuals with disabilities say they're being forced to make a heart-crushing choice get married or keep their vital benefits couples recently marked the Valentine's Holiday by holding an unofficial commitment ceremony drawing attention to what's at risk for them if they opt to walk down the aisle Ted Goldberg has the story couples here in Montclair got dressed up exchanged vows but stopped just short of getting legally married by the powers invested in me by me Patrice Jeter I pronounce you all together for long time Partners like Matthew Arnold and Diana stolfo we met since we were like infants marriage isn't happening anytime soon no we're not married family last June June 25th how was that it was beautiful very elegant couples with disabilities risk a lot if they decide to get married we live in apartments and that's not all supplemental security income to Medicaid to housing to there's a lot of potential services and supports that folks with disabilities need that could be jeopardized if they get married Paul Aronson works for the state advocating for people with disabilities and their families the asset limit for somebody is two thousand dollars for an individual but if there was a married couple it's three thousand dollars so they get penalized they can't even double the amount of resources that they have in the bank account I don't think that was intentional but I think it's it's a long past time that we fix it that would be a dream I would love to see it happening I do you care because America people asking you for it but it's just it feels like that is taken away from us and it should be for us Matt and Diana were just one of the couples at Montclair State joining in a commitment ceremony officiated by Patrice Jeter she has cerebral palsy and has become an advocate for people with disabilities I would see people coming out of church at weddings um their family there everybody is all happy and looking beautiful and I didn't understand how come that couldn't be me cheddar like other Advocates calls this the marriage penalty she's optimistic that lawmakers will fix it if more people start to back the cause there's actually more of us now and in order for things to change we're gonna have to be the change to do that all right there's a bill in Washington that would get rid of the marriage penalty for SSI benefits and it's co-sponsored by both of New Jersey Senators Jetter thinks it can pass if it does you might be able to credit her persistence we're not going to go away I know I'm not going to go away they're going to eventually do something because they're going to get sick of seeing me and this is why we can't give up even though sometimes you feel like it you got to keep going we talk about marriage equality all the time you know this is an opportunity here to sort of fix something that again I think was inadvertent if it's something that has prevented couples like Diana and Matt from getting married and that's just not right and I think we I think we can come together I think this I think people have Goodwill will come together and fix this and make it easier for people with disabilities to get married and reap the full benefits of all that comes with saying I do I'm Ted Goldberg NJ Spotlight News