♫She went... and... and...♫ (barking, growls) ♫When she ate some alphabet soup♫ ♫Then what happened was bizarre.♫ On the way to Martha's stomach, the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain, and now... ♫She's got a lot to say♫ ♫Now she speaks...♫ How now, brown cow?

♫Martha speaks♫ ♫Yeah, she speaks and speaks and speaks♫ ♫And speaks and speaks.♫ What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♫Martha speaks...♫ Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♫She's not always right, but still that Martha speaks.♫ Hi, there.

♫She's got a voice, she's ready to shout♫ ♫Martha will tell you what it's all about♫ ♫Sometimes wrong, but seldom in doubt♫ ♫Martha will tell you what it's all about♫ ♫That dog's unique...♫ Testing, one, two.

♫Hear her speak♫ ♫Martha speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and...♫ ♫Communicates, enumerates♫ ♫Elucidates, exaggerates♫ ♫Indicates and explicates♫ ♫Bloviates and overstates and...♫ (panting) ♫...hyperventilates!♫ ♫Martha, to reiterate♫ Martha speaks!

♫Martha speaks.♫ Hello.

Today's show is all about being sick.

I'm sure everyone wants to see a show about people getting rashes.

(sneezing) Excuse me.

So, watch for words like "patient" and "treatment" and "mend" and "relief."

Though I'm not sure why anyone would want to watch a show starring a dog in the first place.

Why don't you stay here and watch a nice soap opera with me?

All right, go ahead.

But don't come crying to me if you get an allergy.

Ooh... Bye, Colleen!

Bye, Dallas!

Man, oh, boy.

That Colleen really knows how to scratch an ear!

(gasps) Hot ziggety!

More people!

(sniffing) Bye, guys!

Good seeing you.

Maybe you shouldn't go dashing up to everybody like that.

Why?

I love people!

Yeah, but not all people like dogs.

No!

Who could possibly not like a dog?

Oh, boy!

Oh, no.

Martha, wait!

(panting) (gasps) Uh-oh.

(sneezing) You.

Little dog girl, get your animal away from me.

I'm allergic to dogs.

Oh, no.

No, it's starting.

I can feel it.

My skin is starting to itch.

It's a rash!

BOTH: Huh?

You'd just better hope 911 isn't busy!

I feel so terrible about giving Mrs. Demson a rash.

MOM: Oh, you're probably not to blame.

I think she imagines most of her allergies.

Yeah.

She got the health department to shut down Alice's lemonade stand last summer because the lemon fumes gave her headaches.

(siren blaring) There she goes.

I like people so much.

It's sad when they don't like dogs.

But you know what?

I know a place that needs a friendly dog.

This morning, Sam Hardwick told me the hospital is looking for a therapy dog.

A what?

A therapy dog.

That's a dog who has been approved to visit people in the hospital.

Therapy is what you call it when you're trying to cure a disease or heal a wound.

Or just make someone feel better.

And that's the kind of therapy you'd be doing.

Therapy sounds right up my alley.

(Skits barking) And Skits's alley, too!

MAN: Well, it looks like Martha and Skits have had all their shots and are in fine health.

I see no reason why we couldn't use them.

(squeaking) (growling) (barking) Maybe Skits should wait until he's a little older.

So long!

All right, Martha, let's get you started.

(groans) Sorry about that.

Hospital floors can be pretty slippery for a dog's paws.

Oh, don't worry about me.

I'll get it.

MAN (over intercom): Dr. Wall, call two-two-seven.

Nope!

I have to learn how to deal with this.

(laughter) Oh.

I think you've found your first patients.

Oh, yes, I'm very patient.

I don't mind how long it takes for me to figure something out.

No, not that kind of patience.

He means the patients.

The people who are sick and being taken care of here in the hospital.

Oh, so patient can mean a person, too?

Well, what do you know?

A word with two meanings!

(laughs) Oh, howdy, patients!

Can I go in?

Sure.

Looks like Martha's going to work out just fine.

(laughter) (children laughing) (growling) On your mark.

Get set.

Go!

(cheering) You've been at it all day.

You getting tired?

Nope.

I'm just sad there's only one patient left.

WOMAN: Come in.

(coughs) Oh!

MAN (on TV): So, what's your bid?

$500.

Bid $500.

Hi, there!

I'm the hos... Dog!

There's a dog in the hospital!

Oh, my rash!

Mrs. Demson, we have told you every time you check in here that you are not allergic to dogs.

Then what is this rash?

I still can't find it.

That's because you're not looking hard enough.

Look, Martha is bringing so much cheer to the other patients.

Cheer?

Cheer?!

You know, cheer.

When you feel happy and enjoy life.

Huh.

Cheer.

Happy and enjoy life.

Nope.

Never heard of it.

Must be one of those new things, like the rap music.

Now, you know me, Doctor.

I hate to be mean, but if the little dog girl doesn't take her rash machine out of the building immediately, I will be forced to take you and your entire staff to court!

Slam the door, please.

And don't think I won't be keeping an eye out!

And if it's that cheer stuff you want, you don't need a dog for that.

I'm sure your patients would be much cheerier with a therapy human.

You don't have to slam it this time.

Sorry about that.

If she's not really allergic to dogs, why is she in the hospital?

She takes us to court a lot.

We thought it was just easier to give her a room and not argue with her.

Does that mean I can't come back?

Well, why don't we just wait until she's checked out?

When will that be?

Hmm.

(phone ringing) Hello?

This is Dr. Hardwick down at Wagstaff City General.

Could I speak to Martha?

Martha speaking!

What's up?

We have a problem.

This morning, Mrs. Demson volunteered to be a therapy human.

(coughing) (crying) Oh, broken hip, schmoken hip.

You don't know what pain is until you've felt my arthritis.

(groans) (crying) Oh, now you look very sick!

Ooh, I wouldn't expect to get out of this hospital any time soon if I were you.

(sniffling) We need your help immediately.

I'm thinking maybe we could sneak you in somehow?

Whatever you say, Doc!

Therapy work is exhausting!

Ugh!

All that cheer is giving me a headache.

MAN (on TV): So, what's your bid?

(elevator bells ding) Oh, Mrs. Smith!

How nice of you to visit!

(TV plays quietly in the background) Hmm?

What a terrible nose rash that woman has!

Oh, poor thing!

Must have been licked by a Great Dane.

(panting) (indistinct voice over intercom) (whimpers) (groans) Oh!

That dog is back!

Okay, I came up with another idea.

There's always loud music playing on her TV.

Maybe we could win her over with some song and dance.

Of course, Martha!

Everybody likes a good tune.

But do you play anything?

(elevator bells ding) (horn tooting, drum playing) (horns toot) Oh!

(horns toot) And make sure you wash off that wheelchair.

I just don't see any way around it, Doctor.

We have to get her out of her room for a few hours.

But how?

I don't know.

What's something she really loves?

So, how is the rash today, Doctor?

Am I ever going to get some relief?

Relief?

You're a doctor and you don't know what "relief" is?

(groans) "Relief" is when you finally, finally get rid of your pain and start to feel better.

I know what relief is, Mrs. Demson.

I was just expressing surprise at your using that word, because you don't have a rash.

(phone ringing) Hello?

MARTHA (on phone): How-de-do, ma'am.

I'm just calling from your local Squiggy Piggy market to tell you about a great sale we're having today.

All hard candies 90% off.

Oh-hoo-hoo!

Dr. Hardwick, she's gone!

You did it, Martha!

Great idea.

Why don't you start here in the children's ward.

(kids cheering) Oh, darn!

With all my pain, I forgot my purse.

Hmm?

(siren blaring) What is that?

(siren blaring, indistinct shouting) Nurse, what's going on?

We don't know.

But we're evacuating just to be safe.

Good thing I thought to bring my siren with me, huh?

Mrs. Demson, what are you doing?

Just alerting all your allergic patients.

That dog is back.

(siren stops) Calm down, everybody!

False alarm!

I want you back in that bed, now.

Hmph.

Maybe we should go, Martha.

They're pretty busy.

I guess you're right.

(call buzzer buzzes) Wait.

Do you hear that?

Oh, that's just the call buzzer.

"Call buzzer"?

Yeah, patients have a call button in their room they press when they need a nurse.

Come on.

It's not our business.

(call buzzer continues) But the nurses are all too busy to answer it.

What if a patient is in trouble?

It's room 801.

(groaning) MARTHA: Do you need something, Mrs. Demson?

Oh, yes, nurse.

My head is bursting from all this racket.

Can you get me a cold compress?

I don't know why you're doing this for her.

I'm a therapy dog, aren't I?

Ah, that's such a relief.

Thank you, nurse.

You're the only person in this hospital who knows what the proper treatment is for a helpless, old woman in pain.

"Treatment"?

Does no one in this hospital know their medical vocabulary?

"Treatment" is the care you give to a patient so they get better.

Well, I'm glad this treatment's doing the trick.

Oh, it is, dear.

There's no better treatment for a headache than a cold compress.

(gasps): The pain is almost gone.

And I can't even feel my rash anymore.

You're an absolute saint.

(gasps) Dog!

Glad to see you're not allergic anymore, Mrs. Demson.

DR. HARDWICK: I have to say, Martha, you gave that woman the best treatment possible.

Getting her to touch you finally made her realize that her allergy was just in her head.

Wish I'd thought of it.

All in a day's therapy, I guess.

Where to?

Squiggy Piggy Mart, and step on it!

Maybe I can still make that sale.

(all sighing) (TD panting) Helen!

(doorbell chimes) Helen!

Helen!

(persistent chiming) What is it, TD?

There's a duck in your window!

Inside your house!

Oh, that's Ralph.

He's staying here till he heals.

"Heals"?

"Heal" means to get better or healthy.

He hurt his wing.

Does he have to be alone to heal?

Because I've never met a duck.

Whoa!

(quacking) TD wants to meet Ralph.

Ralph is feeling a little down.

Maybe TD can cheer him up.

Sure!

Hi, Ralph.

I'm TD.

That stands for "Talks Duck."

(quacking) Quack, quack, quack... (Ralph quacks) He says he's never heard a worse duck imitation, and you don't talk duck at all.

Oh, then TD stands for "Tickles Ducks."

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.

(quacks happily) (ducks quacking, Ralph sighs) Don't be glum, Ralph.

You'll fly again as soon as that wing heals.

The bones in Ralph's wing need to heal before he can fly again.

Poor Ralph.

(loud quacking) Is he that sad?

He says he's not feeling low, he's feeling hungry.

(loud quacking continues) What food do ducks eat?

(quacking) He says he usually eats snails, meal worms or nit crawlers.

(groans): There must be something else a duck will eat.

(quacking) He doesn't know.

Who would know what else birds eat?

A parrot's a bird!

So is a vulture.

TD means Ronald's got a parrot.

So maybe he'd know what other birds eat.

I'd rather ask a vulture.

(doorbell rings) RONALD: Who is it?

It's Helen and Martha.

Hi, Ronald.

Do you...?

Who is it?

Polly, you're late again.

When you hear the bell ring, before I open the door, you say, "Who is it?"

It's Helen and Martha.

(Polly squawks, Ronald groans) We're taking care of a little glum duck while his wing mends.

"Mends"?

"Mends"?

"Mend" means to get better, to heal.

But we don't know what to feed him.

Since you have a bird, we thought you might know.

Don't go away.

(squawks) Don't go away.

You'll find the answer in there.

"Answer in there."

Thanks, Ronald.

Hmm, maybe Ronald's not so bad after all.

Now you'll finally find out how great birds are and get rid of those dogs!

POLLY: "Get rid of those dogs!"

Forget what I just said.

He's worse than I thought.

(persistent quacking) Helen, this duck is in a bad mood.

"Mood"?

A person's "mood" is how they feel.

Like happy or sad.

(persistent quacking, TD screams) Ralph is acting like he's in a bad mood and it's getting worse.

He's not in a bad mood, he's in a hungry duck mood.

I found it!

Oh.

It says ducks like to eat "snails, meal worms and night crawlers."

(persistent quacking) He said he checked the whole house and he couldn't find any anywhere.

It also says they like vegetable trimmings.

(satisfied quacking) That sure improved his mood.

(demanding quacking) Now what?

He says I promised him food, a bed and TV.

And now he's in the mood to watch TV.

(Skits pants, music plays on TV) (insistent quacking) What does he want?

¿¿Qué quiere?

Ralph says this is the worst show ever.

He wants to change it.

But this is your favorite show.

I don't want him to feel low while his wing mends.

You can change it.

(channel switches) ♫Have a seat, You're in luck...♫ That's what he wants, Mushy Duck.

Mushy Duck?

I've got to go home and wash out the garbage cans.

Suddenly, I'm in the mood to do my homework.

And I would just love to go and change the baby's diaper.

And I wanted to, uh, move something from somewhere to somewhere else.

(Skits whimpers) ♫Mushy, mushy, mushy...♫ (yawns) (angry quacking) Ah!

Okay, I'm watching.

You can't go in.

Ralph's in the tub.

I just want to brush my teeth.

(Ralph quacking) He says he's shy.

(quacks happily) (loud snoring quacks) How long is he staying here?

Till he heals.

(Ralph quacking, TD screaming) (over television): ♫Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mush...♫ (snoring quacks) (quacking) (persistent quacking) Psst... Ralph's in the tub.

Uh, what did you want to talk to me about?

(whispering): We called this family meeting to talk about Ralph, who's been living here for three weeks now.

It feels like a year.

Martha, that duck has taken over our house.

I'm tired of brushing my teeth in the kitchen sink.

And he snores so loud I haven't slept in three weeks.

And he controls the TV.

Watching Mushy Duck puts him in a good mood.

But what about our moods?

Mom, Dad, and I are glum, down, and low.

I keep humming the Mushy Duck song.

No quiero.

I don't want to hum the Mushy Duck song.

I want the Mushy Duck song out of my head!

HELEN & DAD: Shh...!

(whispering): So are we all agreed it's time for Ralph to leave?

Leave?

But I promised he could stay until his wing healed.

(groans) It must be healed by now.

Take him to the lake.

When he sees other ducks, maybe he'll fly with them.

Por favor, please, Martha, I want the Mushy Duck song out of my head.

Look, Ralph, ducks!

(quacks) (quacking) Huh, he doesn't look so glum now.

Hey, where's his bandage?

He didn't even notice it fell off.

I think that means he's healed.

MARTHA: Ralph, good-bye!

We'll come visit you.

(quacks) (worried quacking) Why are we leaving you?

Because you're healed.

You don't need the bandage.

(quacks "Huh?

What?")

(pained quacking) Oh, no.

Too much, too soon.

He says it feels achy.

Let's play with some blocks, Jakey.

♫Have a seat, you're in luck♫ ♫Now it's time for Mushy Duck...♫ Helen, Martha!

Why is Ralph back?

And watching... (shudders) ...that show?

He says his wing isn't healed.

It hurts worse now, so he feels down again.

Are you sure he's not faking?

Faking?

What do you mean, faking?

Faking means pretending.

Maybe he's faking that his wing hurts when it really doesn't.

Why would Ralph fake it?

Helen, where are you taking my vegetables?

Ralph said his friends want a snack.

(ducks quacking) (Mom gasps) No.

I'm sorry.

You all go hunt and gather like you're supposed to!

We cannot feed every duck in town.

(questioning quack) Mom says we can't.

(quacks "Aw...") ♫Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy♫ ♫Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy Duck.♫ (Ralph snoring and quacking) (quacks) (muttering quacks) Martha?

You asleep?

(yawns) I was.

I was asleep, too.

That means Ralph finally stopped snoring.

No, it means he's not here.

(electronic chirping) Hey, do you hear a video game?

(all quacking) MARTHA: Ralph, where are you?

(quacks urgently) (all quacking frantically) Hmm, I guess I left the TV on.

Ralph?

(quacks) Ralph?

Ralph, what are you doing down here?

(quacks sleepily) Oh, he needed a drink of water and didn't want to wake us up.

How can he need more water already?

(quacking) Well, I guess having friends visit while he heals isn't such a bad thing.

(quacks) (gasps) His wing is healed.

He can fly.

He was faking it.

♫Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy♫ ♫Mushy, Mushy, Mushy, Mushy Duck...♫ Ralph?

(quacks "What?")

(pained quacking) You're a faker.

I saw you fly.

(quacks) (Mom gasps) Our house is full of ducks!

(all quacking loudly) DAD: Ralph?

Yes, he can fly.

My glum little duck is just a faker.

(all quacking) Ralph.

(sorrowful quacks, explaining quacks) ¿¿Qué dijo?

What did he say?

We made this such a great home, he didn't want to leave.

He's not such a bad little guy.

He just liked it here.

I bet Ralph's happy now, flying around with all his duck friends.

RONALD: Hey, Helen.

(both gasp) Is that my bird book?

Good.

I found this poor, hurt duck, and I'm going to help him heal.

This book will come in handy.

Bye.

We have to tell him.

Hey, Ronald!

That duck is faking it.

He's fooling you.

(quacks) Oh, yeah, sure.

You think he could fool me?

Like I'm not smarter than a duck.

Eh.

I almost feel sorry for Ronald because that is going to be some party tonight.

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