Ann Widdecombe and Craig Revel

VOICEOVER (VO): Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Sensational!

VO: ..one antiques expert each... THOMAS: (LAUGHS) MARK: Seriously, Ann.

DEALER: That's a good price.

It's cheap and nasty!

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices... Meow!

Bye-bye.

VO: ..and auction them for a big profit... 55, a new bidder, thank you.

VO: ...further down the road?

Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

(THEY CHUCKLE) And who will be first to say, "Do you know who I am?"

Time to put your metal to the pedal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

VO: It's the all-new Celebrity Road Trip, coming to a town near you, so buckle up, check your mirrors, and don't choke on the travel sweets.

Rummaging for us on today's show, we have the aggroed adversaries of the ballroom.

She was tough to love in politics, but then danced into the nation's heart.

It's the outgoing member for Maidstone, Ann Widdecombe.

CRAIG (CR): Overwhelmingly awful.

(LAUGHTER) One.

VO: And the man she hates to love, her hard-to-please judge - though he's quite the dancer himself - it's Strictly's enfant terrible Craig Revel Horwood.

I believe you tried hard, but I mean, without success.

Lame and lackluster.

VO: Of course, we can't expect a showman and politician to go it alone, so we've given them some antiques assistants in this 1967 Triumph Vitesse.

MARK (MS): By the way Catherine, you know that little thing MS: you pull out there?

CATHERINE (CS): Yeah.

That's not for putting your handbag on.

VO: Ooh!

Catherine Southon is an expert in medical and scientific antiques, amongst other things.

She's also a fearless negotiator.

You're giving me really scary looks!

VO: Now, I know what you're thinking - surely Frankie Howerd is no longer with us.

(SHE YELLS) VO: But this is Mark Stacey, esteemed valuer and Antiques Road Trip veteran - never afraid to ask difficult questions.

Do you know, I'm going to ask for a little sneaky favor.

What's that?

Could I just touch it?

Oh, alright then.

MH: How exciting is this?

CS: I know.

Ann Widdecombe, Craig Revel Horwood.

The thing is, I'm quite nervous about meeting Craig.

MS: When she was in the House of Commons, she had quite strident views on things.

CR: Are you any good at dancing?

Absolutely not, all breakages must be paid for.

VO: And that goes for the vintage motors, including this 1957 beauty - an Austin Metropolitan.

You've got to be joking!

Does that actually go?

That is a comedy car.

VO: Now, we have a situation here - Craig has no driving license, so Ann must step up to the plate.

CR: Oh!

(THEY LAUGH) Er, my knees are up around the windscreen.

Now, can you drive it is the thing?

No, the real big thing is, can I reach the pedals, and I can't.

Oh yes.

Maybe I can do the footwork and you can do the... (LAUGHS) No, it doesn't go forward.

CR: Doesn't it?

AW: No.

AW: (LAUGHS) CR: Did it move forward?

I don't think you've left it with any suspension!

I don't know, let's try again.

Pull the lever darling, and I'll push.

Oh darling, this isn't gonna work.

Right, put your bottom forward.

VO: Oh Lord.

Is that any better?

No.

VO: Whilst Craig waits for a confident driver, and Ann waits for some platform shoes, let's look at the road ahead.

VO: Our fractious celebrities will take on a prickly shopping quest through lovely Devon before launching off to auction in Southend-on-Sea, Essex.

But first, on the road to Colyton, we must stage a pivotal meet and greet with their chosen antiques experts.

VO: Ann has refused to drive, so the experts need to come and pick them up.

AW: Darling, you're gonna win.

CR: Well, I don't know, actually.

You've got a very good chance.

You've been on this Earth a lot longer than I have, and you've got a good eye, my darling.

You have a good eye.

That's a lovely tractor.

Now what's going on here?

CR: We've had a... AW: I'm not driving that, and Craig hasn't passed his test.

It's a slight disaster.

Are you happy with me driving?

I'd be delighted, darling.

Anyone but Ann Widdecombe!

Well, we'll have a go, shall we?

I think you should give it a try.

Let's have a go.

CR: Which way are you going?

MS: We have lift-off.

So I'm really sorry Craig, you've been lumbered with me.

Are you gonna boss me around?

Only if I really like something and you don't like it.

MS: I'm really optimistic we're gonna find a bargain.

It isn't the finding a bargain, I'm sure you can do that.

It's just, before we find a bargain we have to get to the shops that are selling the bargains.

MS: That's true.

AW: This is the challenge.

VO: If you say so, Ann.

Our celebrities have £400 each to get spending with.

Colyton's Abbott Antiques lies in wait.

Catherine and Craig are racing ahead, but Ann and Mark are having a few engine troubles.

AW: Well, make a light comment then.

It could be worse, Ann.

It could be raining.

Do you know, were it to be raining, I might actually prefer it.

VO: Well, let's leave Mark to Ann's boundless enthusiasm, and perhaps finally get on with some shopping.

CR: All of this is very Ann Widdecombe.

Is it?

Yeah.

I think she'd love this shop.

VO: Quite possibly, if she ever arrives.

However, there's rather too much, um, fun here.

Looks more up Craig's street to me.

CS: Oh, look at this!

Are you into James Bond?

I do like the movies, it's got to be said.

CS: This is from Moonraker and the thing that toy collectors want, they want them to be in absolutely mint condition.

CR: It's in excellent condition.

I mean, you could see this on a shop floor now, I think.

Do you really want this, Craig?

CR: I love it.

CS: Do you?

And I think it will sell.

I really do.

I mean I can't be sure, like all of these things, but it does have all its little bits and pieces.

If it was missing its satellite, it'd be worthless.

VO: Bond.

James Bond.

People just love him, don't they?

Even when he's played by Roger Moore in Moonraker.

But toys are a specialist market, and our celebrities are going to a general sale auction, so can Craig use his license to thrill on the ticket price?

95.

Might have to do a bit of disco dancing... ..with this young man over here.

You wouldn't go as far as, like, half price for a cha cha cha, would you?

(THEY CHUCKLE) Oh no, I have two left feet, so it would be no good for me to do it at all.

Oh no.

No, I'm hopeless at dancing.

I'll dance with you for half of it!

CS: Do we really want that though, even if we get it at half price?

We want that for about sort of 20, 30 quid, really.

Unfortunately, we can't go that low sir.

Come on my darling, we're just gonna do a little salsa.

Blimey.

Nice bit of hip action, and then gonna do a dip.

Oh!

Oh my word!

And then a little spinnette.

I wasn't ready for that!

VO: Fantastic.

Gorgeous.

Electrifying.

Seven!

I've always wanted to say that.

This is a really bad idea.

Where were we on the price?

We're at £20.

95 down to 20, that's an awful big drop.

Oh come on, we just - my heart missed a beat then, and I think that's got to be worth... Poor Catherine was not expecting that.

We'll have a deal then.

YES!

Thank you so much.

Can we shake on that sir?

I love your work, love your work.

VO: Wow!

£95 down to 20?

Your dancing wasn't THAT good!

And whilst Craig sashays off with his new partner, whatever became of Ann Widdecombe and her plucky sidekick?

MS: Do the shops have a late night opening?

It's in gear, that's why.

Oh, it's in gear!

Oh!

Just put the clutch down.

(ENGINE STARTS) AW: This is not after all the Antiques Road Trip - it is the How Many Things Can Go Wrong In The Course Of X Hours, that's the trip it is.

VO: But at least you're finally getting off to a good start, Ann.

It has been a diabolical start, but it is better to start poorly and finish well than to start well and finish poorly.

VO: That's assuming, of course, that you do finish well.

Team Widdecombe now gets its turn at Abbott Antiques.

AW: Ah-ha.

What do you know about stamps?

Not an awful lot Ann.

Looking at the cover, it looks like a sort of typical schoolboy stamp album.

Collection.

Yes, that we all had.

There's quite a range of stamps in there, isn't there?

Well they have a collection of things here... Oh, there's a collection of them.

And they require £85 for them.

Ooh, that sounds an awful lot.

That doesn't get my stamp of approval at the moment.

I think this little charmer is, um... Don't say too much if you think it's a bargain, we don't want to alert the shopkeeper.

VO: Yes, keep your voice down.

AW: Oh, well I don't think this is worth much.

No, I don't either, I quite agree.

You're picking this up, Ann!

VO: Stamp collecting is, of course, the most exciting... (YAWNS) Excuse me.

Um... so many people enthusiastically garner these mini works of design craftsmanship from around the world.

The older, rarer and more exotic they are, the more money they're worth.

But could there be anything old, rare or exotic here?

Ann?

Now, you only need to strike lucky once.

You only need to have one stamp in there that a collector really, really wants, and even if all the others aren't worth 5p, he will pay over the odds for that stamp.

Shall we see what the dealer will take?

Adrian, we're quite intrigued by these.

Oh yes?

But we are wondering why you're charging £85 for schoolboy books of stamps.

What sort of price were you thinking of?

Maximum we would ever give would be 20%.

20%.

VO: That's not the absolute maximum though, is it?

Not like on the James Bond toys.

We were rather hoping for around the sort of £50 mark to give us a chance.

I mean, is there any way we could twist you on that?

Well, hm...

I think we probably could go as far as 55.

55.

What do you think, Ann?

AW: I would buy into 55... MS: Would you?

..but you probably won't, knowing you to be a hard man.

Well I'm a very hard man, and I feel awful for doing it, but we can't tease you down that fiver?

I know you want to really.

Well, we can go for 50.

I think we should shake his hand.

Marvelous.

I think we've got a deal.

VO: He looks petrified.

First Widdecombe swag in the bag, and she's straight into a secondary rummage.

Adrian's wares are getting thoroughly handled by many a celebrity today - especially the toys.

Now, what have we got here?

Mark?

Yes?

Come and tell me why I'm a fool to like this.

You're a fool to like that, Ann.

AW: I thought so.

MS: Completely.

AW: Yeah.

MS: Put it away.

To me it looks as if it's very much the sort of thing a child would have had in the 1960s.

Yeah.

You know, with the fashion of the clothes.

And it's got its box, which is very unusual these days.

AW: If it's postwar, collectors are not gonna buy this, they're looking for Victorian sets.

MS: That's not true.

This will appeal to a doll collector.

It will appear to a collector who likes collecting juvenilia, things to do with childhood.

AW: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me speaky Latin.

MS: Sorry, I beg your pardon.

AW: (LAUGHS) VO: Show off.

20th century toys can sell very well indeed, and this set has added kudos, hailing from the now defunct East German Republic.

MS: Is it cheap though?

AW: Yeah, it's only 24.

I mean, if you could get that for... 10 quid?

I'd like it.

Right.

I like it, but your first reaction was that I was a fool to like it.

Well... And that I should put it back.

Let me help you up, because I was teasing.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Are you alright?

I did Strictly Come Dancing.

Oh yes you did, I beg your pardon.

VO: Yes, but you didn't do that well Ann.

Especially with Strictly Getting Up Off The Floor.

Now Adrian, when I showed this to Mark... ..his reaction was that I was a fool and I should put it away.

Now, I want to prove him wrong, but you see, this costs £24.

I don't actually think that a kid's tea set in a faintly battered box is going to turn us a profit, so we'd like to offer you £10.

MS: (GASPS) "As much as that?"

I was going to say actually, after the gasp.

AW: As much as that, as much as that.

I'd probably be looking at about £20.

20!

No, I'm not giving you 20 for this.

I'm really not.

At the very best, I will go down to 18 for you.

15.

15?

£16 and we have a deal there Ann.

Oh...

I think, I think, I think you're being very generous at 15, Ann, actually.

We couldn't go to 14?

I don't think we could even meet in the middle.

At 14.50?

No, not at all.

I think we've got to stick with 16 on this one Ann, DEALER: I'm afraid.

AW: 15?

No, not on this one.

You do like it, Ann.

VO: Looks like Mark's doing a U-turn on the tea set.

Let's hope the lady is not for turning.

I love it.

Let's go for it.

Take it.

Take it.

Absolutely.

Adrian, you have a deal.

Thank you Ann.

Thank you Adrian.

VO: After a slow start, Ann now has two auction lots to Craig's one, catching up on her dance floor disparager as it's time to get moving again.

MS: Our troubles are over.

AW: You know what I think that is?

What?

It's called famous last words.

We need to work miracles today.

I think it's gonna be really tricky.

Yeah.

If anyone can charm them, it's you.

I'll use my cha-cha-charm, shall I, then?

VO: Lovely Colyton is consigned to memory as the road opens before us, skipping a mere 10 miles northeast to Tytherleigh.

VO: The well stocked Trading Post lies in wait, but will it be big enough for our titans of teatime dance and their shopping partners?

Who writes this stuff?

When I first looked at this, I thought it was like an apprentice piece, but I think it's actually a tool box.

"E Harris".

It'd be perfect for someone called...

BOTH: E Harris!

VO: Sadly, they just sold the B Forsyth box, and are all out of A Widdecombes too.

Still, here she comes anyway - look out.

Now, we have both celebrities and their dancing shopping partners worryingly in the same shop at the same time.

Let's get ready to rhumba.

Look what the cat has dragged in, darling!

Oh, we've got a couple of good purchases!

How are you getting on?

It broke down twice.

Oh, did it?

Not once, but twice.

CS: You look a bit hot and flustered, Mark.

No, not at all.

Ann and I are having a wonderful day actually.

It's psychological, she's trying to undermine you.

Yes, I know this, no, I know what she's up to.

Don't you listen to that.

VO: What a nightmare.

Well, this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip, and the gloves are off.

All's fair in love and war, and competitive shopping, so let's get on with it.

CS: That is a beautiful color, isn't it?

CR: It is gorgeous.

Be nice for sweets and things like that, wouldn't it?

CS: I think that might be a possibility actually.

£12 - you'll be lucky.

MS: Craig, that's a bargain.

I was in that show, darling!

Aw!

It could have been your mug!

I'm glad it's here.

Oh, Mark is fantastic, because he doesn't pour scorn.

Like that tea set - you know, his first reaction was, "Yes Ann, you're a fool, put it back," but when he saw that I was actually enthusing over it then he didn't pour scorn, he sort of really made it sound as if I'd said something quite intelligent.

I mean, I know I didn't, he knows I didn't, but let's pretend.

VO: I'm not surprised you're still single.

You know you're right Ann - Mark really is a lovely young man, selflessly content to let you make your mistakes - I mean, decisions.

MS: There's a heck of a trunk, Ann.

Isn't that amazing?

Look at that.

Mahogany lined.

And this all lifts up.

That really is top quality, isn't it?

Isn't that extraordinary?

MS: £450.

Oh-ho-ho, no!

MS: Wonderful thing though, isn't it?

AW: A wonderful thing.

VO: Gorgeous, and a worthy antique, but out of your league.

Move along now please.

I don't believe this.

That is gonna be a sea trunk, isn't it?

Because of the handles.

Well, it's a traveling chest.

It's probably for seamen or something.

A sailor.

Oh look, it's all got...

Isn't that lovely?

Look.

Oh, oh look!

CS: I've seen the price, and I can tell you we're not having it.

It's 450.

Really?

It's too much.

Oh.

If I can get him down to 200... VO: He's a punter, isn't he?

£200 is a chancy offer, and a very large slice of the Revel Horwood fighting fund.

Brave talk.

I like it.

CS: It's an antiques center, so I'm guessing the owner's not gonna be here, so they're gonna have to phone him up.

You won't be able to charm him.

I know.

Unless you talk to him on the phone.

That's true.

Go and have a word.

Go and work your magic.

I will do that.

CS: Am I being bossy?

CR: Yes.

CS: Am I?

CR: It's about time.

VO: Not as bossy as some.

MS: I was rather hoping this might be Mouseman, this table.

You know, Mouseman, with the carved little mouse on the leg?

No.

He produced a lot of very simple furniture like this, normally with octagonal legs, and then on each of his pieces there's a little carved mouse.

You haven't found the mouse?

No.

But it's too good to expect.

Are you sure there's no mouse?

As far as I can see.

I'm gonna have another look, Ann, cuz if it was, it would MS: be worth several hundred.

AW: Have a really good look.

VO: Ann, where you going love?

The man's just talking to you!

Robert Thompson began making lovely furniture in the early 20th century, following the vogue for simple, traditional arts and craftsmanship.

Sadly, this is not one of his signature Mouseman pieces - but it's OK to dream, Mark.

MS: It's marked at 39.

If we can get it for under £30 I think there's a reasonable chance of a profit in that.

Will we give it a go?

OK, well shall we see if we can get it for 25?

AW: Go and court him.

MS: I will.

You rest there a moment, Ann.

I'll rest here a moment.

Boring.

But I always listen to a man who knows his job, and if I'm told that although I think this is boring, somebody else might go, "Ooh, aah!"

and pay money to do so, then I can be convinced.

MS: It's marked at £39.

I was hoping for around 25 on that.

AW: 25.

MS: Because it's very simple.

I'll give them a ring and see what they say.

MS: That's very sweet of you.

DEALER: OK. VO: Andrew's being kept busy today, phoning dealers with offers from both our celebrities.

The man with the ship's trunk is first to press hash and return the call.

Hello Mike.

I'm very well.

You're not going to be pleased though about my offer.

I have literally £200 to spend, and I have fallen in love with your delicious box.

BOTH: We are on our knees!

And we literally are, darling.

360.

CR: We can't go that high.

CS: No, we can't.

No.

We haven't got that much money.

Let me have a word.

OK, I'm going to put Catherine on now.

Hello, hi.

What is your rock bottom on this?

Can we do three?

PLEASE could you do 300 for us?

We are really, really desperate.

310 then, that's our final offer.

OK, I think we're going to have to say goodbye.

CS: Farewell.

CR: Oh no.

Alright.

He came down another £10 in the end.

To what?

350.

Oh!

What should we do?!

Oh gosh!

He agreed 350 with you, did he?

So if we throw in the vase... ..and the shop stands you another £10, that'd be the best we can do then.

OK, let's just recap.

So you're being very kind and saying you would throw in the Swedish vase and put another £10 in from the shop.

Yes.

So that it would be 340 plus a free vase.

I think we should do it.

Do you?

I know it's scary, but...

It's really s...!

I can't believe we're both like...

I know.

VO: I scarcely know what to say.

That's a massive risk, and a very, very brave investment.

But you've got to love it.

As ships' trunks go, this one is a beaut.

We should go for it.

We should go for it.

We said £200, didn't we?

CS: Agh!

CR: Fantastic.

VO: Craig can walk away with his head held high, and just £40 left in his pocket, whilst Ann plonks herself on the floor, sitting patiently.

OK, I'll let them know Peter.

Alright, bye.

Andrew, hi.

Hiya.

I've spoken to the dealer.

Yes.

He can't go as far as 25.

Ooh.

But he would let it go at 30.

I don't think we want it for 30, do we Ann?

Unfortunately.

28.

DEALER: Yeah, go on, I'll do it.

AW: 28.

You happy with that?

Yeah, I'm happy with that.

Well let's shake... shake hands on it, shall we?

You have a deal.

OK. VO: No huge risk there for Team Widdecombe today, but a healthy addition to the auction arsenal.

Now, we just need that gentleman Mark Stacey to carry the lady's purchase to the car.

Isn't he lovely?

We did find something Ann.

We certainly did.

I'm pleased with this little beauty.

VO: The age of chivalry is as dead as a doorknob.

Now, let's get moving.

Are you excited anyway?

I am.

As long as we win, I don't care.

You're holding on.

Why are you holding on?

Are you worried about my driving?

CR: (LAUGHS) VO: The road trip whisks us on, spinning away from Tytherleigh, four entire miles eastwards to Chard in Somerset.

If I make a loss, I will be just a little bit demolished, but I can't say that my life will be in ruins if I don't beat Craig today.

I'd like to, mark you, I'd like to.

Just to pay him back for all those rude comments on Strictly, I'd like to.

(HORN HONKS) MS: Oh, sorry!

VO: It's been an emotionally challenging day, for Mark at least, so a rather indulgent diversion has been seized upon by the Widdecombe camp.

AW: Oh yes, beautiful.

Really wonderful.

VO: Forde Abbey has a long, long history, from monastic head office to Civil War HQ to family home.

There are tales of religion, art, money, politics, power and double entry bookkeeping within these walls.

Since 1905, the Roper family have lived here.

Current owner Mark Roper is waiting with Whiskers to welcome the Widdecombe party... nervously.

MARK R: Hello!

MS: Hello!

Welcome.

Thank you.

I'm Mark Stacey.

Mark Roper.

AW: I'm Ann Widdecombe.

MARK R: Hello.

And who's this?

That's Whiskers.

MS: Hello Whiskers!

AW: Whiskers!

Hello!

VO: Bite 'em.

Built in the mid 12th century on land bequeathed to the monasteries, from 1191 Abbot John of Forde used his favor with King John to increase the wealth of Forde Abbey, growing its estate to over 30,000 acres.

Once a center of medieval commerce and church authority, this could be a tricky journey for devout Catholic Ann Widdecombe.

Stand by.

AW: When did it cease to be an abbey?

Was it the dissolution of the monasteries, or...?

Yeah.

1539.

And did the ghastly Puritans leave everything alone?

The Puritans created the inside.

AW: They caused an awful lot of havoc to religious buildings, you know that.

I think we should move on with the history.

You know that.

And what happened after that, Mark?

MARK R: I mean, you had Sir Edmund Prideaux chopping the king's head off.

His son... You're selling him to me so well!

Yeah, yeah, well, he was a good man.

What, a regicide?!

I think we're on opposite sides of the Civil War, I get...

It's had a checkered history then.

VO: A well timed interjection from Mark the peacemaker.

The abbey changed hands in 1539 with the dissolution of the monasteries, and in 1649 became home to the parliamentarian Edmund Prideaux, Cromwell's solicitor general.

In fact, Edmund had resigned his post before Charles I's execution, and set upon the refurbishment of this rather stunning abode.

MS: Oh, this looks rather... MARK R: This is the grand staircase.

AW: Oh yes.

MS: This is beautiful isn't it?

AW: Oh!

MS: Where did these tapestries come from, Mark?

MARK R: Well, the cartoons were drawn by Raphael.

Rubens persuaded Charles I to buy the cartoons, and then these were made for Prideaux almost certainly in about 1650.

VO: These tapestries depict the lives of St Peter and St Paul, copied from cartoons by the great master Raphael for his work on the Sistine Chapel.

Edmund Prideaux commissioned them, but sadly died before they were hung in this grand room.

Aren't they beautiful?

They are absolutely fantastic.

The faces are... so alive, aren't they?

Fantastic, yeah.

VO: Forde Abbey today is a well furnished home, with the spoils of Civil War and political maneuvering.

However, it's also a living testament to its distant past.

MARK R: This is the monastic cartulary that, I think, records all their land holdings, which extended, I believe, to 30 or 40,000 acres across Somerset and Dorset, and it probably dates from the 13th, 14th century.

VO: A fascinating historical document.

Thank goodness we have a Latin reader in the Widdecombe party.

Stand by.

AW: I can't read this, because it's medieval Latin and my Latin was classical, and also I would struggle with this script quite considerably.

VO: "Quis quis vos narro," Ann.

Indulgeo, indulgeo!

AW: You're touching the very page that that monk, 500 years ago... MS: Sat and wrote out under his candler.

AW: Yeah.

This is a link with history.

Well it was important, of course, because they were, as you said, the monasteries were quite powerful in their time.

VO: Steady Mark.

They became very strong, very financially powerful.

But I think, you see, we've got to put ourselves in that man's position.

I do completely agree Ann but you also have to put the other side.

There's a lot of the peasants around still had to the pay their tithes to the church.

AW: I don't deny any of that.

VO: Oh Lord!

Of course, they say never discuss religion or politics, and that's a bit tricky with Ann Widdecombe - cuz she's full of it.

Still, this is a fascinating document of ancient monastic power - those monks certainly knew a profit from a loss.

Let's hope our competitive antique shoppers can do the same.

That was absolutely wonderful, and that manuscript, I'm going to see it in my sleep tonight.

I shan't be able to read it in my sleep, but I'm going to see it in my sleep tonight!

MARK R: There you are.

VO: I think it's about time you all turned in.

Good night Antiques Road Trippers.

Dulcis somnium.

I think that's right... VO: Up and at 'em.

Teams Widdecombe and Revel Horwood are straight back at it for the last tango in Devon.

MS: Are we gonna win?

AW: I suspect not.

We're gonna do our best to win.

I'm relying on you to prevent us making a loss.

Now don't shift the blame on me, Ann Widdecombe!

VO: So far, Ann and Mark have spent £94 on three auction lots: the exciting stamp collection, the East German tea set and the arts-and-crafts table.

Team Widdecombe has a buoyant £306 left to spend.

I'm pleased with this little beauty.

We have to be fierce!

I'm going to be fierce.

In my run-offs with Catherine in the past, I've won pretty much all of them, so I'm going to keep that record going Ann.

VO: Craig and Catherine, meanwhile, launched wildly into the first day's shopping, spending a reckless £360 on just two lots: the risky James Bond toy and the really, really risky mahogany trunk.

However, they got a third lot thrown in free: the 1960s Scandinavian vase.

Team Revel Horwood has just £40 left, but apparently no regrets - he's just reveling in it.

Well, as long as we win, I don't care.

I just hope we can charm them and get everything for half the price that it's ticketed for!

VO: Our novice celebrities have taken to this challenge with great courage and conviction, and perhaps just a little hastiness.

Now, the good ship Antiques Celebrity Road Trip is about to lurch into the westward wind.

You're coming up to traffic lights.

Yes, I can see those.

I'm going to slow down.

AW: You need to brake.

(CRUNCHING) MS: Oh!

VO: Ooh.

Forde Abbey forgotten, our celebrities and experts cross the county line, and travel 35½ miles to Devon's cathedral city of Exeter.

Having blown nearly all their money, it's time for Craig and Catherine to go back to school - or university, to be precise.

Within the campus of Exeter's learning establishment stands the Bill Douglas Centre, a museum to the glory days and genesis of the 20th century's greatest art form: cinema.

Hello.

Hi Craig.

Pleased to meet you.

Hello, I'm Catherine Southon.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Phil, I'm the curator of the Bill Douglas Centre.

Welcome, and come inside and see what we've got.

CR: Fantastic.

CS: Lovely, thank you.

VO: The eponymous Bill Douglas Centre began from the personal artifacts of a little-known maverick British filmmaker and passionate collector.

Coincidentally, Bill's first student film was called Come Dancing.

I've got £40 that says Craig is gonna love it here.

CR: This is an amazing collection.

CS: It is.

I love Marlene Dietrich too.

I dressed as her in drag!

Did you?!

There's well over 70,000 items right from the beginning of moving images with shadow puppets and so on right up to present day film.

VO: This amazing collection was donated to the university and opened to the public in 1997 for the centenary of cinema celebrations, from antique contraptions to golden era Hollywood memorabilia.

That is absolutely brilliant.

"Sincerely, Fred Astaire".

Love it.

He was one of the most amazing dancers of all time.

There is no one that can match what he did.

I mean, he worked so hard, he was just... Is he your idol?

Yeah.

A pure genius, but I mean, none of his work came to him, you know, it came to him through hard, hard work and rehearsal.

Hard graft.

And he was a perfectionist.

PHIL: You can see that in the films.

There's some amazing routines and so ambitious.

CR: Flying Down To Rio.

Fred Astaire was famous, really, for doing sort of this move.

Oh yeah.

He sort of did a lunge, and it was very jazzy at the time.

VO: Allegedly, Fred Astaire's first screen test was reported as, "Can't sing.

Can't act.

Can dance a little."

So, there's hope for Craig yet!

Further into this amazing collection, and we journey back through cinematic history to a time before mass entertainment.

PHIL: This is from the 1870s, and it's a French original made by Emile Renault.

It's in amazingly good condition.

And then you have these little reels, in this case there's a little jockey on a horse, but you're looking at the mirror, so if you hold this quite closely, and then you just move this round like this.

CR: That is brilliant.

CS: Beautiful, isn't it?

CR: Isn't that fantastic?

See, if we'd found one of these, Craig, we would've been laughing, wouldn't we?

I know.

These are so rare, aren't they?

I'll give you a tenner for it for our auction!

CS: All these things are fascinating, and I think once upon a time, when we didn't have television, before there was Strictly, these are what people bought and made to entertain themselves, really.

VO: Catherine, I do hope you're not daring to suggest that life was better before Strictly Come Dancing.

Filmed mass entertainment didn't develop overnight.

There were many false dawns, technological cul-de-sacs and one or two dark alleys along the way.

There's quite a few people who are credited with being involved in the birth of cinema, one of which is Edison, Thomas Edison, who'd already famously invented the lightbulb, the phonograph, all those kind of things.

He had a British inventor called Dixon, and he put together the kinetoscope, but this is the machine that it turned into, often called the mutoscope, or probably most people know it as the What The Butler Saw machine.

The what, sorry?

A What The Butler Saw machine.

CS: Oh, What The Butler Saw!

CR: What The Butler Saw!

These were common on British seasides, I suppose until the '70s, I guess.

And it does give a pretty impressive film experience if you'd like to have a go.

And do you put your money in?

Not that we've got any.

You don't have to here, but that would have been the idea.

We haven't got any left anyway!

I'll have a go.

PHIL: And just turn it to the right quite fast.

CR: Oh, that is absolutely brilliant.

CS: Are they naughty images?

PHIL: Sort of mildly.

CR: Mildly.

I'd say very mildly!

VO: Well, I don't know.

Looks pretty racy to me!

Certainly not for a lady's eyes.

A quick peek.

VO: Oh, here we go.

CS: Oh, it's quite saucy!

There's a bit of dancing.

VO: That's not really dancing, that's more... OK, let's move on.

PHIL: We guess what is missing there from what we understand by cinema is the audience, and that's why in the battle to become the fathers of film, the Lumiere brothers in France are really the winners, because they always had the idea of projecting films to a paying audience, and they did that first in Paris in 1895, and that's usually the date that we say that cinema started.

That cinema started.

VO: The Lumiere brothers presented their first film of a train arrival to a much startled Parisian audience in 1895.

They were true pioneers, without whom modern entertainment would not just be the same.

Sadly, we've had to wait all these years for today's marvelous spectacle that is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Ha!

VO: The lure of antiques shopping is drawing us on once more.

MS: Do you miss the House of Commons at all?

AW: No, I don't miss it at all.

I miss bits of the constituency, but I certainly don't miss the House of Commons.

Please slow down, you're on a sharp bend.

CS: I must say, I was a bit nervous about meeting you Craig, but you seem to be a lot softer than you are on the telly.

When I'm not having my judge's hat on, to be honest, I'm a very nice person.

Oh, are you?

And I think if you just put bad dancing in front of me I kick off.

I bet you are pretty competitive.

Oh I am.

I like it.

I think a bit of competition is fuel for the soul, darling!

VO: We're heading eastwards and leaving Exeter for the moment for a quick rummage in the nearby seaside town of Sidmouth.

Our entertainers have finally made it to the end of the pier, or the seaside at least.

They say you play Sidmouth twice in your career - once on the way up and once on the way down.

It's good to be back!

Sidmouth Antiques has opened its doors for our Strictly shoppers, but are they getting the second day itch?

Ooh, look!

Look, a Marilyn.

Marilyn.

Are you a Marilyn fan?

Well yes.

Who wouldn't be?

Look at that face thing, that doesn't look quite Marilyn, does it?

I think the only thing they've got right is the dress.

The legs look a bit chunky too.

Yes.

Mind you, she was quite chunky, wasn't she?

VO: Well, don't you know that gentlemen prefer chunky?

Now, can everyone please get on with it?

Lovely Samantha is just waiting to help you all haggle with the dealers, or possibly hoping for a dance.

CR: What's that big flat spoon thing?

What's that for?

CS: Oh, it's an anoint... CR: I anoint you.

That sort of thing.

I don't know.

It's most unusual, isn't it?

Yeah.

It is a lovely shape, actually.

It's a lovely clear hallmark, isn't it?

CR: Yeah, it's really clear.

CS: 1896.

But is it really gonna get everyone excited... ..in the same way that our chest will?

VO: The original anointing spoon dates from the 12th century, and is kept with the crown jewels in the Tower of London.

It's used to anoint the newly crowned sovereign.

This one dates from 1895, and at £100 is a bit beyond their £40 budget.

I've spoken to the dealer, and he said he'll do 30.

You look... You're worried and you're smiling.

No, well, but, I like it.

How much have we got left?

40.

CR: And that's it.

Do you want to go for that?

Yes, it's a lovely thing.

Come on, let's have a dance, shall we?

Oh, shall we!

A dance!

I've got two left feet!

So have I!

I'm just going to spin you into place, into position.

Oh look at that, now we're just gonna do... And a kiss!

You're just gonna do a slight back bend here darling.

That's it, and around you go.

Whee!

Gorgeous!

And one, two, three.

Back, two, three.

Yes, you're right, you can't dance!

But you're gorgeous.

Aw, thank you.

VO: Look at that - he's rude yet charming, and the dirty dancer's done it again.

Can no one resist the Revel Horwood charms?

Now, Ann's spotted something rather fancy for £85.

MS: She's obviously an Indian goddess, isn't she?

AW: Yes.

MS: And she's sitting on lotus blossom here.

But if you think this is carved from one piece of ivory - look, even all of the back is carved out - there is one thing we have to be very careful about when we're dealing with ivory or tortoiseshell or things like that.

It's completely illegal to sell anything that was made or carved after 1947.

After the year of my birth you couldn't carve ivory.

No.

VO: An easy way to remember.

Ivory items are legal to trade from pre-1947.

However, I think you should keep looking.

Can you see anything else?

MS: This is quite interesting.

It's mother-of-pearl.

AW: It's mother-of-pearl, isn't it?

Yes, I can see that.

With a little cover.

And it's got silvered metal on there, but I quite like the fact it's sort of an anchor with a rope.

AW: Yes.

MS: And again, it's a little letter opener or something.

AW: Yes.

MS: And I think we should propose to get that.

I really do Ann, I'm sorry, I do.

It's like a cheap souvenir from a...

It's not, it's not.

That's reasonable quality for £12.

I mean, what would they do on that, do you think?

£10 would be the best on that.

MS: Oh.

AW: Oh you're not...

I'm not paying £10 for that, I'm really not... MS: Ann Widdecombe... AW: ..paying £10 for that.

are you going to listen to my advice or not?

Erm, I can take your advice into account, as they say in politics.

MS: And then completely disregard it.

Or even "I hear what you say".

VO: Oh dear.

How's Mark going to persuade the dealer for a discount on this pair if he can't even talk Ann into it?

Shall we do it?

Come on.

Go with me.

60 for the two.

Hello, I've got Ann Widdecombe with me and Mark... MS: Stacey.

..Stacey.

VO: Who's he then?

And they're interested in your ivory letter opener.

You've got £85 on it.

Tell him to be generous.

OK.

He said he'll take an extra five off if Ann Widdecombe just says hello to him.

Hello.

Would you like to dance?

MS: That's 50 quid!

VO: Nice try Mark.

Best offer seems £55 for the page turner and £10 for the letter opener.

How d'you like them apples then?

We've got plenty of money yet.

We've got plenty of cash.

OK, I will take your advice.

65 for the two.

So we've got... 240.

..£241 left.

We still... Now I want to find a big time.

Me too.

I want to spend most of that money on one item.

So do I. I want to spend all of it on one item.

Now, shall we write that down Ann?

Because we've agreed on something.

VO: Well that's something we can all be grateful for.

And while this pair has a beautiful moment, what inspired antiques investment could be whetting Craig's appetite?

Yes, this doesn't look much like antiques shopping to me.

Is that a vanilla then?

What I've always wanted to know is, what about Ann?

I mean, you were a little bit harsh on her but she was a tremendous sport, wasn't she?

I mean, what came across to me is she put her heart and soul in that, didn't she?

She really went for it.

Yeah, it's just a shame she didn't put her feet into it, darling.

(CHUCKLES) CR: She was great when... CS: Oh you're so mean.

No, I'm not mean.

She was great when she was flying but as soon as her feet touched the ground that's where it all went horribly wrong.

VO: Meow.

Let's not forget that Ann's still working, Craig.

She's still shopping, she's still focused and... Oh, I like that.

Solid silver from 1908, and it's a traditional nurse's graduation buckle, worn proudly on the ward with an elasticated belt.

Oh, matron!

Look what I can see: two people dancing.

Gosh.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Craig Revel Horwood would have liked that I reckon.

MS: What are you hoping to get for it, may we ask?

£100.

Oh!

We've shown her we want it.

Too much, haven't we?

Bad move.

Bad move.

And you're the professional.

You should have looked po-faced and said it was rotten and not worth tuppence.

VO: If you say so Ann.

MS: Do you think we could do a deal on 85?

85.

OK. That's a deal then.

AW: 85.

MS: Thank you so much.

That is very much a deal.

Brilliant.

MS: Well, I think I'm about to dance on air.

AW: Shall we?

MS: Shall we?

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) MS: Thank you very much.

DEALER: He's had practice!

VO: Oh dear - short, slow, tame, dull, dull, dull.

Two!

However, Team Widdecombe valiantly kept shopping till the dying moments of the day, with a fine selection of choice antiques to carry on down the road.

Now it's all back to Exeter, to the Cathedral Green, where Ann and Craig can show each other what they've bought, starting with big kid Craig's new toy.

CR: Look at that, darling.

MS: Moonraker.

CR: Moonraker, 007.

They don't look very impressed.

CR: Original packaging... Well you may know something that I don't.

How much did you pay?

CR: £95.

AW: What?!

..and we got it down to 20 quid.

AW: Yes, that's more like it.

MS: No!

We haven't managed anything quite as dramatic as that.

No, no, but then we haven't bothered to look at anything quite like that, Ann.

AW: Well no, no we didn't.

CS: Oh come on!

We bought a collection of stamp albums.

Oh.

How dull.

How dull?!

AW: If you look through those, you will see quite a magnificent array, and as you know you only need one stamp to catch somebody's eye.

And have you got that one stamp?

Oh, we've got many of them.

CS: I can see they're priced up at £85 so how much did you get them for?

MS: But we didn't pay that.

AW: Much less.

MS: 50.

CR: Ooh.

CS: Ooh!

VO: I'd describe that reaction as "underwhelmed".

Can Craig and Catherine excite with their silver anointing spoon?

AW: Well, I think it looks nice, but I'm not convinced.

Was this your choice again?

Well, I rather like it, because it's an anointing spoon, and I thought you would have liked that Ann, that one can be anointed by...

It can also be used for ice cream.

I just rather liked it.

I'm actually going to make no bones about this, Ann.

This is your choice.

CS: (LAUGHS) This is the most wonderful 1960s child's tea set made in the German Democratic Republic.

I am astonished that Mark let you buy it.

I am unashamed about this.

I think it's naff, actually.

Yeah, Mark agrees with you.

You know, I mean... Come on men, you agree with each other.

It's going to look lovely when you have to take it home and put it on your own shelves.

AW: No, well I'm not going to.

MS: Craig, Craig... VO: Well, another muted response.

Let's hope Ann and Mark's fine table will blow them away.

AW: Be prepared.

MS: Well, let me... CS: What is it?

..just pop it up here, cuz actually, Catherine will understand this.

Actually, it's quite... Catherine, I'm speaking.

And Ann and I both liked it for its simplicity, didn't we Ann?

So Catherine, what are you gonna give us for that?

VO: Well, she's not giving you anything Ann.

You're taking it to auction, remember?

60 to 80?

We'd be very happy with that.

We would be very happy.

MS: We paid 28.

CS: No!

MS: £28.

CS: Did you?

AW: Yeah.

CS: I mean, it's a bit... MS: Oh, here we go, Ann.

CS: It's functional.

And you're going to give us twice as much as we paid for it cuz you've just said so, so fine, we're happy, aren't we?

MS: We're happy with that.

AW: We're happy with that.

Well I think I'm gonna get out of my pocket this rather nice... Oh, that's nice.

She said it was nice.

I know.

You know what I said about it.

I do.

I think it's a nice little mother-of-pearl paper knife.

What would you say as an auction estimate for that, Catherine?

60 to 80?

AW: (WAILS) Well, we didn't just buy that.

We actually bought that as an afterthought to go with this, which is a carved ivory page turner.

Oh that's quite nice, and they all go into one.

How much?

This one we only paid 10 quid for.

MS: We paid 65 for the two.

CS: You've done very well.

And if you're prepared to give me 60 to 80 for a £10 purchase, I don't think that's bad.

You don't care at all, do you?

You're rubbing your hands!

Now it's over to you, Miss Widdecombe.

I'm going to ask you two to close your eyes.

MS: A pair of dancers.

CS: Oh!

AW: And it's solid silver.

MS: Solid silver!

AW: Solid silver!

CS: That's lovely.

CR: It's lovely.

What is that dance, Craig?

Well it looks like, to me, like it's a harvest dance.

The scrap value alone on that is £70.

That's great.

But it was the dancers really that sold it to us.

CR: Yeah, that's perfect.

AW: Yeah.

VO: And now, a double bill finale from Craig and Catherine.

OMG.

AW: (CHUCKLES) CR: They gave us that for free.

Well that you would have been silly to have paid any money for at all.

We loved this.

CS: But when you open it up and you see this wonderful compartmented interior... MS: Oh, it's beautiful.

CS: We just really fell in love with it, Ann.

They wanted 450.

We paid 340.

AW: (GASPS) It's a lot of money.

You've actually... You've taken a chance.

Yes.

We were frightened.

You were up all night, weren't you?

I hope there's been no such stupid emotion.

VO: Hopefully, no emotions at all.

CS: Those stamp albums!

D, U, double L - dull.

Very.

MS: The 007 Moonraker thing, I can't see it making more than about £25 at the most.

We have put our souls and your professional integrity on the line, sadly!

Thanks!

And I think that's gonna be, I think that's gonna make... Or break us.

..lots and lots of money!

I hope you're right, I really hope you're right!

VO: I'm afraid it's too late for hope, Catherine.

The hour of reckoning will soon be upon us.

AW: Well I call my car "he".

Maybe it's because I manipulate him, so I call him "he".

MS: I don't normally call them anything.

Probably cuz this car is so difficult, I thought it was a woman.

Ah.

Now because it was so stubborn and unreliable, AW: I thought it was a man.

MS: (LAUGHS) We could go on like this all day Ann.

AW: We could, couldn't we?

MS: Couldn't we?

VO: Onwards we ride, once more into the breach, dear friends, on a monumental arch across southern England, 252 miles eastwards to gorgeous Southend-on-Sea.

CS: I just love the way you say "ock-tion".

CR: "Ock-tion."

Well what is it?

CS: Auction.

CR: "Auckk-tion."

Ann, have you been to an auction like this before?

No.

I'm sure you've been to a lot of charity auctions, haven't you?

Oh, yes, but I mean, it's rubbish.

CR: I do have some concern about, you know what, the box, but as you say, it was a beautiful piece, I loved it, you loved it, so I'm hoping that the wonderful Southend-on-Sea audience loves it.

CS: Just as much as us.

CR: And then pays a fortune for it, really.

CS: Absolutely.

VO: Oh dear.

There's that "hope" word again.

These celebrities will never learn.

MS: And we're here.

And the rain's just... AW: (SQUEALS) What was that bang?

I don't...!

CR: Oh dear.

Oh, oh!

(THEY LAUGH) CR: I'm getting out!

MS: I'm not staying out in this rain.

Come on Ann, let's go in.

Come on Ann, I'll close the door, you run in.

Don't just leave me!

VO: Southend's Chalkwell Auctions have been selling all sorts here since 1989.

Today's gavel bashing auctioneer is Trevor Cornforth, and he's taken a wee look-see at Ann and Craig's items.

The Bond toy, if they paid a tenner for it, I can see a good profit.

Ann's tea set, it has its original box although there's a small amount of damage, so I think that will carry some weight in its salability.

I think the chest probably should make £300-400, five if we're lucky, but you never know if it's a good day with a following wind.

VO: Both our celebrity teams began with £400.

The outgoing member for Maidstone spent just £244 on five auction lots.

Whee!

VO: The lord of the dance, meanwhile, nearly spent the lot - an impressive £390 on just four lots.

VO: Ann and Mark steady their nerves.

Craig and Catherine feel the stress.

And I'm coming out in blotches!

The auction is about to begin.

It's a bit nerve-wracking, isn't it?

VO: Just getting started and it's a tea break already, but before Ann can blame the unions - ha!

- her East German child's set faces the bidders.

Start me at £20.

£10 on this set?

Look at this, hands everywhere.

I've got 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40.

£40 at the back?

£40 at the back.

Standing at £40.

This seems very cheap to me.

45, fresh place.

Are you 50?

60 back in.

60 seated at the front.

Sit down Ann!

(LAUGHTER) You carry on, Ann!

I've got 60 at the front.

I'm glad I found that now.

I found that!

VO: Hm.

An excellent start - those old eastern bloc Communists really made great toys, right Ann?

Are we a bit bitter, do you think?

And twisted.

VO: And now for some free market bidding on Craig and Catherine's Scandinavian vase.

Do I have a starting bid of £1 on this one?

Oh!

Oh, lovely!

Look!

I have a bid of 10 straightaway.

It's in the room at 15.

Oh good, I'm gonna do the Ann bounce.

TREVOR: £20?

AW: (LAUGHS) I give you one, darling, one.

TREVOR: I've got £20.

CR: Oh come on!

25!

TREVOR: 25.

CR: Oh, I love it.

TREVOR: 30 with the lady.

AW: Oh!

There's more money than sense in this room.

Yes!

I think that was all your hard work.

I think you did extremely well.

I bet it's been a long time since you had to work so hard for £35.

VO: Actually, Craig danced.

Not really work, is it?

Now, a labor of love from Ann and Mark's swag bag.

Start me at £20 on it?

Straightaway, we're in the room at £20.

No.

30?

35.

Oh, there are hands everywhere now.

40, 45, 50 with a hand, at the back at £50.

All done.

VO: Another nice little profit means Ann and Mark take an early lead.

Now, from Colyton with love, the Moonraker toy needs some gold fingered bidders.

It's rubbish!

No!

OK, start me at £10.

15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40?

Gentleman's bid at £40.

At the front and selling.

Perfect condition.

Well done.

Well done.

VO: A better profit than expected, but Craig and Catherine are still lingering just behind Ann and Mark.

And now, childhood keepsakes come before the bidders.

MS: Here we go, Ann.

AW: Might be very, very rare stamps in there, you never know.

TREVOR: Ooh!

CS: Might not.

CR: Yeah, exactly.

MS: There will be, there will be.

TREVOR: Start me at £20 on the lot.

£20 I have, 25, 30, 35, 40?

45, 50?

Come on!

45 I have at the very back of the room.

You might have a Penny Black in there, you never know!

I've got 50 on the internet now.

AW: Ooh, yay!

MS: On the internet, yes.

TREVOR: Any advance on 50?

MS: Come on, one more!

AW: Just one more bid!

Come on.

TREVOR: We're at £50 on the internet.

Sorry.

MS: Agh!

AW: Oh!

Pity, what a shame.

Yeah.

VO: An ill-timed postal strike for Ann as Craig and Catherine wait to be anointed with profits.

TREVOR: We're in the room at £50.

We're selling at £50, are we all finished?

You could melt it down and get more for it!

50, 60, 70 standing.

CR: Yes!

TREVOR: 80 with the lady seated now.

At £80, all done.

(GAVEL) TREVOR: 28.

MS: Well that was enough, at 50.

Well done.

Yeah, well done.

VO: She mean it?

Fantastic.

Craig and Catherine have now nosed into the lead.

But what can Ann and Mark achieve with their delightful nurse's graduation buckle?

Start me at £50 on this one, to get it going.

That's 60 behind.

70.

80?

We're at 80, is that going to be it, at 80?

This is our piece de resistance, this one.

We've got 90 on the internet.

Are you £100 sir?

£100 in the room.

I'm selling.

No, I've got 110.

On the internet now, and we're selling at 110.

AW: Ooh!

CS: I was slightly worried CR: at one point.

MS: That's £25!

VO: Fine work again, but Team Widdecombe needs more to regain the lead.

Can their last lot seal the deal?

Oh no.

No.

Anything is possible now, after tea sets flying through the air.

I sense the bitterness there Ann, don't you?

Start me at £50, see where we go.

Oh come on, guys!

We have £60 bid on the internet.

Oh come on, just 70.

But she's not whipping up a storm at the moment.

I tell you what, I'll dance a Charleston - yes!

(LAUGHTER) VO: Well, we all know what desperate times calls for... TREVOR: Are we finished at £70?

MS: No.

(GAVEL) Well I'm very disappointed Ann.

We should have bought more tea sets.

We should have done!

VO: A rather small profit, but it's neck and neck, barely a tenner between them.

So what's left to steal ultimate victory for Team Revel Horwood?

MS: Good luck.

AW: This is it.

Good luck.

Lot number 11 is this superb 19th century pitch pine ship's cabinet maker's chest.

Alright, don't build it up too much.

Absolutely superb, I love the way the drawers slide, the whole thing TREVOR: is lovely.

MS: Alright, get on with it.

Me too, all the knobs are lovely too.

Get on with it!

VO: Oh yes, the lovely mahogany cabinet - a very brave purchase indeed, but a risky finale.

Start me at £100 on this one?

I have bids of £100.

I've 120, 140, 160, 180?

This is 180, 200 with the lady.

We need a lot more than this.

We're at £200.

This seems very, very cheap to me.

At £200.

Are you all finished at £200?

CS: No!

CR: No!

Come on!

There's got to be a cha-cha-cha in there somewhere!

TREVOR: There has to be a cha-cha-cha in there.

CS: I can't believe it.

TREVOR: All done at 200?

No!

It's a disaster!

It's yours at 200, madam.

VO: Oh Craig - if only you'd unleashed your tango in Devon.

I don't believe that.

I'm never coming to another auction as long as I live.

Oh Craig, I'm so sorry.

VO: Kind words Mark, but sometimes it's best to say nothing.

I think Ann takes it.

How dare you!

VO: Our novice celebrities began with £400 each.

After paying auction costs, Craig and Catherine made a rather sad loss of £103, and limped to the finish line with just £297.

Meanwhile, Ann and Mark dismissed the expensive ship's trunk to make a simpering profit of - wait for it - £34.80, finishing their road trip with - you guessed it - £434.80.

All the money the celebrities make goes to Children In Need, but how will our experts rate their students' prowess on the shopping field?

You did very, very, very well.

We've got to give you a 10.

10, darling!

Well done!

VO: Gosh, I think that's rather generous, don't you?

OK, let's get in the car.

I'm out of here darling, you've won.

VO: However, your hard-earned runners-up prize is one last stylish burn up the road ahead.

Where am I going?

You haven't got the handbrake off!

VO: Looks like Ann CAN drive the car after all.

Just not very fast.

Bye-bye, everyone.

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