LAURA LINNEY: This is "Masterpiece."

LOUISA: My daughter has gone missing.

LINNEY: Previously, on "The Durrells in Corfu"...

I love it here, Theo-- thanks for letting me stay.

BASIL: Louisa.

I love her.

♪ ♪ SPIROS: You're alone in the house, lots of men.

It's not... healthy.

There comes a time where we need to stand up for what we believe in.

(banging gong loudly) Hunting is wrong!

Stop this cruelty!

You have a wife you want to keep, and me here waiting for you, just in case.

MARGO: I need to train properly in beauty.

I'm going to England.

LINNEY: "The Durrells in Corfu," night now, on "Masterpiece."

♪ ♪ (crickets chirping, waves lapping) (objects clattering) (blows) (sighs) You made the "tired old person sitting down" noise.

(exhaling): Did I?

(chuckles) (chuckles, inhales) I need a holiday.

Well, you can't have one.

We're running out of family to look after the guests.

(snoring) LOUISA: Well, a day trip, then.

With a picnic.

Let's all go and visit Larry!

And how would we get there, now you're shunning Spiros?

Self-preservation.

And we get there by all squeezing onto our boat.

Anyway, we need to deliver Henry Miller's gift.

Yes, I can see that's urgent.

Oh, come on, darling, it's gorgeous up there.

If I miss Margo, at least I can plague Larry.

Now, where is his last letter?

(goat bleating) LOUISA (speaking Greek): (speaking Greek) Ah!

(inhales) ♪ ♪ (Spiros speaking Greek) (Spiros continues) (people talking in background) Kalimera.

Kalimera, Mrs. Durrells.

I don't think you have met my wife, Dimitra.

No.

(exaggerated): No, I have seen you in the distance.

How nice to finally meet you.

Ah, you speak English.

Spiros taught me.

He loves the English.

(chuckles): And I love the Greeks.

(exhales) Thank you for letting us see so much of Spiros since we've lived here.

Thank you for paying him.

Oh, he means much more to us than that.

We must let you go.

(stammering): Yes, I'm just, uh, buying for a picnic.

So that's nice.

You must come along!

(inhales): Anyway... Oh, thank you.

We will.

When?

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ LESLIE: Another top-notch lunch at the Durrell Guest House.

You may applaud.

(Ulysses shrieks) (goat bleats) LUGARETZIA: (Lugaretzia yelps) No lunch for me, Luga... uh... what is it?

LESLIE AND BASIL: Retzia.

I tell you every day.

How am I supposed to remember a name like Luga...

BASIL, LUGARETZIA, AND LESLIE: Retzia.

As an aide-memoire, it rhymes with... COUNTESS DE TORRO: I shall call you... Jill.

Maybe we should all copy Zatopec here and not say a bloody word.

BASIL: Is our Armenian friend... (quietly): ...actually deaf and dumb?

No-- no, I think he's just heard our conversations and prefers silence.

(knock at door, door opens) Kalimera.

(sighing): Ah, kalimera.

(shrieks) (exhales, pelican honks) (turkey gobbling) (insects chirping, postman exhales) Ah... (speaking Greek) Yes.

"Lawrence Durrell, "Tasos Koskinas-- the White House-- Kalami."

(chuckles) "And Miss Margo Durrell c/o Geoffrey and Prudence, England."

England!

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (engine idling) ♪ ♪ (birds twittering) Morning, Miss.

Morning.

(hammer slips, Gerry gasps) (softly groans) (shouts loudly) Sodding ruddy... ah... (insects chirping) Hello.

Hello.

Yia Gerald Durrell.

Yes, how can I help?

I have this for you.

Oh.

(exhales, places box down) (hinges creak) (chuckles) Pogona vitticeps.

Wonderful.

I like how lizards can amputate their tail to shake off a predator.

And the detached tail keeps on wiggling to confuse the other animal.

Why did you bring him to me?

You love animals.

People tell me.

Keep.

No-- no, you keep.

Find out all about him, and show all your friends, and then let him go.

I like them here for a while, but they're better off under the sky.

(Countess singing nearby) (hinges creak) (singing continues) ♪ Hold your hand out, naughty boy ♪ ♪ Hold your hand out, naughty boy ♪ (Ulysses shrieks) Although some are better kept indoors.

(singing continues) ♪ ♪ (places luggage down) (taps doorknocker) Hello, Auntie, Uncle.

What?

Did you not get my letter?

No-- what did it say?

That I was coming to stay.

(inhales) I don't really know anyone else in England now Aunt Hermione's died.

I haven't been here since I was 15.

Sorry, have you got a full house?

No.

But it'll take a massive amount of organizing.

I can go to London if you'd prefer.

(birds twittering) No, you'd, you'd better come in.

(exhales) Great!

(luggage thuds loudly, door closes) It's a bit of a surprise, that's all.

GEOFFREY: We're creatures of habit.

I've often thought that without habit, Prue and I would scurry around like headless chickens.

Hm!

It's like a tiny museum.

Oh, sorry, that was probably rude.

Why have you left Greece?

Is it because it's abroad?

MARGO: No.

I want to find myself.

GEOFFREY: I'm sorry.

What, dear?

I suppose I would like to learn to be confident by being more normal.

Good.

That's the ticket.

Well, not that being normal is everything.

Well, I think it is.

Yes.

PRUE: How is your mother?

We enjoyed seeing her last year in London.

Well, not exactly... enjoyed.

No.

Not enjoyed.

♪ ♪ (polishing rapidly) We're sailing up the coast on Saturday to visit Larry and have a picnic.

Be careful.

The sea is a grave made of water.

(chuckles) I'd love to read your dictionary definitions.

Hey, come with us.

You know, not to work, but as a guest.

Me?

Yeah, well, after all these years here, you're family now.

♪ ♪ (quietly): Shall I go and talk to her?

(quietly): Yes.

(quietly): Okay.

♪ ♪ (knock at door) (door opens) I know.

I hate shopping, too.

No.

I just met Spiros's wife for the first time.

I was in a shop and she came in with Spiros.

Four years without meeting, and now she starts going shopping?

(sighs) What did you say?

I invited her and Spiros on our picnic, and she said yes.

What?!

Why?

I was being polite and friendly.

(groans) (exhales) What's she like to talk to?

Sort of intense.

She seems the kind of woman who's good in a war, but, well, not much fun on a picnic.

Well, she obviously wants to get a proper look at you.

You and Spiros aren't talking, but want to.

This is actually good.

No, Leslie, it's actually bad.

It'll be awkward and painful.

And Dimitra will turn up with her trump cards: her children.

Not literally, they're away in Athens.

And her sultry Greekness, and above all... her unattainable, quietly lovely husband.

♪ ♪ Well, I'll respect them as a married couple, we'll have a nice day, I won't compare us or judge her, nor she me, or interfere in any way.

♪ ♪ (clears throat softly) (goat bleats) LESLIE: What's your favorite sandwich?

THEO: What a super day in prospect.

I've brought my swimming costume.

I have quite an impressive cannonball in my arsenal.

(horn honking) LESLIE: All right.

GERRY: Everything's fine, everyone just relax, nothing strange or unusual happening.

(closes car door) (knock at door, door opens) Hello!

Spiros!

Dimitra, this is Leslie Durrell.

(chuckling) You!

How lovely, again!

Twice in one week!

We are becoming old friends!

(exhales) Uh, this is my other son, Gerry.

The Animal Boy.

Well, I wouldn't call him...

Yes, I'm happy with that.

You must know Theo.

(speaking Greek) And this is Basil.

And Lugaretzia, who is just recovering from one of her illnesses.

(chuckles) (pelican flapping wings, honking softly) Please!

(Theo speaking Greek) DIMITRA: Do they bite?

GERRY: Yes.

(Theo speaking Greek) If they're threatened.

(quietly): Why did you let your wife say yes to coming on this trip?

(quietly): Why did you invite her?

I panicked.

She's been this big... absent figure in my life for so long, and suddenly there she was, by the hanging cheeses.

See, the beak there is rubberized... You and I have done nothing wrong.

I know.

Why are you telling me that?

Maybe you and she will hit it on.

Hit it off.

You see?

When I'm getting nervous, my English goes to pot.

Goes to pot?

Yes.

LESLIE: Right!

(claps hands): Listen up, everyone.

There are eight of us, plus a stupid dog.

(mutters): You're a stupid dog.

And transport is one boat and one motor car.

Now, Lugaretzia gets carsick.

Well, she gets seasick as well, actually, but it's easy to be sick in the sea.

I also suffer from seasickness, in fact.

(chuckling): Theo... Theo is perfect in every way.

No.

Now, Mrs. Hakiopoulos... Ooh, that's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?

No.

(goat bleating) Right, well, I have you down for the boat.

No, I go in my husband's car.

BASIL: Car!

Me?

LOUISA: I'm happy to go in a boat.

GERRY: Roger and I will sail, so we can look out for loggerhead turtles.

That's five sailing and only three in the motor car.

Hmm... not ideal.

(mutters softly) Um...

Mother, you may as well go in the car.

(chuckles softly) ♪ ♪ (clock ticking loudly) MARGO (voiceover): Dear Mother, Les, and the Boy, I am sitting in Prue and Geoffrey's living room.

Either the clock is very loud or Dorset is very quiet.

Do come along to the talk I'm giving this morning, Margo.

You'll be entertained royally.

Thank you, beloved.

What is the title of the talk?

"My Life as an Insurance Broker."

Hmm.

What is that?

Insurance broking is... Don't tell her yet-- keep your powder dry.

Indubitably.

(chuckles) MARGO (voiceover): Your cousin Prue and Geoffrey are the most peculiar people I've ever met.

I may be more normal than I thought.

PRUE: Of course, if it wasn't for Basil losing Aunt Hermione's legacy, we'd have retired to a life in clover.

Calm now.

Or you'll stab yourself with your knitting needle again.

You know Basil's staying in our guest house now.

(shortly): Yes.

(needles clicking forcefully): I do.

Look, you've bent it now.

Oh, leave me alone!

I thought Basil was a homosexual like Sven, Mother's first boyfriend on Corfu, but he turned out to be in love with her and bought her a little bridge, mistakenly thinking it was one of her favorite things.

(clock ticking) It's all true.

Don't try and make me look like the weird one.

(sheep bleating loudly) (man shouting) ♪ ♪ (man shouting) You're looking rather anxious, Spiros.

Why is that?

I have a precious cargo.

You're very sweet.

I don't mean you.

(bleating loudly) (man shouting) I love your dress, Dimitra.

Thank you.

And I love yours.

Oh...

I love your trousers, Spiros.

(Dimitra laughing) You are very funny, Basil.

Does Spiros often take you out for drives?

Only when we first met, when he was trying to impress me.

(chuckles softly) SPIROS: (chuckling) What are you saying?

My Greek's coming along well.

I know what they said.

(exclaiming common terms) (Dimitra laughing) (Spiros pulls brake, Basil chuckling) ♪ ♪ (man shouting in Greek) ♪ ♪ (waves lapping) (engine puttering) (moans softly) Any better, Theo?

(in strained voice): I'd rather be in the car.

Yeah, sorry about that.

I thought Mother and Mrs. Spiros should get to know each other better.

Fine, but Basil must die.

(in strained voice): We will die first-- drowned.

Oh, cheer up, everyone.

Look, we'll have a nice big lunch, and then... (both gagging) And then we'll see Larry again.

That's not like you, Leslie.

Well, I miss him.

I miss his ugly face.

(laughing) (chuckles) GERRY: Theo, look!

("Jolly Good Time" by Alma Cogan playing) ♪ Here we are again ♪ ♪ Happy as can be ♪ ♪ All good pals and ♪ ♪ Jolly good company ♪ ♪ Strolling 'round the town ♪ ♪ Happy on the spree ♪ ♪ All good pals and ♪ ♪ Jolly good company ♪ ♪ Never mind the weather ♪ ♪ Never mind the rain ♪ ♪ Long as we're together ♪ ♪ Whoops, we go again ♪ ♪ Whoops, we go again ♪ ♪ La-di-da-di-da ♪ All right?

Lugaretzia?

(groans) GERRY: Look!

Flamingos!

(retches) (vomits) (Leslie grunts, Gerry cries out) (exclaiming) ♪ Jolly good company ♪ (exclaiming) ♪ ♪ (insect buzzing) ♪ Such good company ♪ (Dimitra crying out) (shouting) (brakes squeak) BASIL: Dimitra.

Please!

(Basil placating) ♪ Please tell me the trumpeter's name ♪ ♪ ♪ (trumpet holding note) (song ends) We must never talk about this.

No, I will tell people.

(explosion echoes, Lugaretzia gasps) What's that?

I fear it's fishermen using dynamite to kill fish.

That is so cruel and disgusting.

THEO: It's punishable by several years in prison, but they risk it anyway.

I expect you approve, as it's all hunting-- fun day out!

I don't approve.

But I do approve of throwing people in the sea, so they can learn their lesson!

(engine puttering) LUGARETZIA: We are here!

(chuckles) (exhales) ♪ ♪ LOUISA: Now, I know that we're here for a picnic, but you'll forgive me if we make a bit of a fuss over my eldest, Lawrence.

Of course.

Lawrence of Kerkyra.

(Basil cackling) Oh, that is tremendous.

(Basil chuckling) It's a play on "Lawrence of Arabia."

Yes, I know that.

Kerkyra is Greek for Corfu.

Yes, I know that.

I've been here since 1935.

(car doors opening and closing) (calling): Larry?

(boat approaching) Oh.

That's good timing.

(engine puttering) ♪ ♪ Looks like Gerry's had a swim already.

You just can't stop them, can you?

(Louisa chuckles, knocks on door) (boat engine stops) You know, I wrote to Larry to tell him we were coming.

He's a writer.

Very avant-garde.

Or as you say in Greece: bloody rude!

(Louisa laughs, exhales) He's probably gone for a walk.

(chuckles softly) (calling): Larry?

(people calling in French) LARRY (voiceover): Dear Tribe of Durrells, or should I say, Chère Tribu de Durrells?

Greetings from Paris, where I am now living.

A passing yacht was heading for Italy, so I hopped aboard.

It's a shame I couldn't say goodbye, but I know you will understand.

The bastard's not here, is he?

♪ ♪ LARRY (voiceover): I have no money but have badgered myself free lodging, as my exquisite filthy novel has had some succès d'estime among the reliably sexual French.

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ It is wildly exciting here.

To quote St. Augustine: "The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page."

(birds and insects chirping) (talking softly) (chuckling): Larry may have drowned, of course.

I mean, I hope not.

THEO: So, Mrs. Durrell, how was your trip in the car?

(exhaling): Generally pleasant, although I can't deny there are tensions.

I'm sorry you vomited over Leslie.

Oh, you heard-- yes, I apologize.

No, I'm sorry for you, not Leslie.

As a child, he was endlessly sick over me.

And then he'd usually go to bed and wet it.

(quietly): 12 years of rubber sheets.

SPIROS: Mrs. Durrells, thank you for the excellent food.

Oh, well, there's no need to be so official.

Don't stop him saying nice things about cooking.

It never happens to me.

SPIROS: (quietly): What are they saying?

I didn't hear.

LOUISA: Well, Spiros is always very complimentary to me.

(quietly): It's hard to say the right thing.

(explosion echoes, all exclaim) (bottles clink) ♪ ♪ They're dynamiting fish!

(water rushing) (birds squawking) Stop that right now!

LESLIE: Or you'll go to prison for several years!

And I know, because I was in the Corfu police.

You absolute sods!

Gerry!

Where did you learn that language?

From Larry, and Leslie, and Margo, and you.

All right, only asking.

(fisherman shouting in Greek) Was that too specific?

BASIL: Knowing you, I'd imagine so.

SPIROS (shouting): FISHERMAN: FISHERMAN 2: (fisherman shouting) (goats bleating, Lugaretzia and Dimitra cry out) (Lugaretzia shouting in Greek) (bleats) (Dimitra and Lugaretzia shouting) God... (all shouting) Shoo!

LESLIE: Get off!

(all shouting) You see, this is why we should shoot animals!

(goat bleating, Gerry grunts) (Louisa cries out) Fear not, everyone-- Dimitra, do not worry your sensationally pretty head.

I'm sure there will be a taverna nearby, and all will be well!

Well, come on.

(goat bleating) BASIL: I'll keep this safe.

(goat bleating, all exhaling) LESLIE: One push, and you and Spiros could live happily ever after.

♪ ♪ (chickens clucking) Looks like it's here or nowhere.

Or we could get back in our vehicles and find somewhere else.

No, let's not do that.

So let's drink this now.

Dimitra, you are awash with good ideas.

No, it's a present.

For Larry, wherever he is.

LESLIE: Basil!

(shatters) (all groaning) Basil... That could have happened to anyone.

I think the phrase you're looking for is, "The drinks are on me."

♪ ♪ (chickens clucking) Shoo... Go!

Shoo!

(door creaks) (Spiros speaking Greek) (snoring quietly) (Spiros knocking on table loudly) (Spiros shouting in Greek) ♪ ♪ Oh!

At last, enchantresses.

(laughs): Mrs. Durrell!

(smacks table): Pull up a bottom.

Just ignore him.

If he gives us any trouble, we'll have him ejected by the landlord.

Now, what can I serve you with, my dears?

Well, in that case, we're leaving.

No, no, please.

Can we just stay for a pie and a drink?

(stammering): Yes, I, I do a lovely, uh...

Uh... Well, it's all lovely, look!

You know this man?

Captain Creech.

We meet about once a year, and something bad always happens.

Well, you'll not get any booze.

I should hope not-- he's 14.

CREECH (laughs): Didn't stop me.

I'd done everything before I sprouted any body hair.

What are the chances of you being here?

Well, as a matter of fact, I came to visit Larry, pleasure-seeker, like myself, and the chap that owned this offered me a very good deal.

So where is he?

I believe he's running a brothel in Albania.

Larry!

Larry!

Oh, oh!

Uh... Paris.

A different kind of paradise.

He can't have received my letter.

Oh, he didn't-- it's here.

I gave it a good read, obviously.

I was very sorry to hear your daughter Margo had jumped ship.

Bit of a... mad one.

But you get a very appreciative mention.

That's very personal, you son of a bitch.

(gagging) THEO: Opening and reading someone's mail is a criminal offense in some circumstances.

(groaning) Probably too specific again?

(cries out) What did you write about Spiros in your letter?

I imagine it was how precious he is.

And how lucky you are to have him.

Yes-- I am.

Yippee!

CREECH: Well, to show there's no hard feelings, I'd like to serve you all lunch.

Eight drachma a head.

(all gasping) Payable in advance.

(birds chirping) GEOFFREY: Was it all excitement?

No, it wasn't.

There were quiet years in the office.

(man snoring lightly) In fact, there were quiet decades.

(yawns) The, the 1900s.

They were rather quiet.

(footsteps retreating, snoring continues) Um... (man coughing) (papers rustling) There's a tremendous amount of filing in insurance broking.

The risk of fire was always on our minds.

MAN: Come on.

MAN: Excuse me.

Particularly during the... the quiet decades, which I...

I mentioned earlier.

(coughing) All that paper going up.

(man continues snoring) But it, um...

It never happened.

(man continues snoring) (woman yawning) I'm going to bring this to a halt now, a little early.

I think I may have overestimated just how interesting my life was.

(man coughing) (audience applauding) (Margo clapping loudly) I loved that talk.

I'm Margo Durrell, and I'm lucky enough to be Geoffrey's great-niece-in-law or something.

(whispering): Sit down!

But it shows that even the most grown-up of us can lose confidence.

So let me fill in for his shortened talk by describing my life on the Greek island of Corfu, where my widowed mother took us a few years ago to live.

My older brother Larry calls Britain Pudding Island, which he means meanly, but who in their right mind doesn't love pudding?

(audience murmuring, chuckling) But if Britain's a pudding, Corfu is, let's say, a sensual platter of seafood, sun-kissed vegetables, and exploding fruit.

CREECH: There we are.

Wrap your gizzards around those, eh?

(chuckles) (insect buzzing) He trained at the Savoy, you know.

(laughs) (laughing) So, Basil, what are you doing in this country?

I'm on a long holiday, really.

I've got some money set by.

Give it to me!

BASIL (laughs): Righty-oh!

How would you like it-- cash or check?

Or I can do jewelry.

(laughs) (laughing) What a saucy laugh.

SPIROS: Gerry.

How is your zoo?

Well, I want to open it to the public, but it's still not ready.

Oh, if you're looking for more critters, I've got two out the back that were left by some rather stupid sailors.

Oh, no, no, Gerry can't take any more.

Oh, well, if you don't buy them, then I shall probably eat them.

I've given the little (no audio) fair warning.

What are they?

Oh, I don't know, badgers?

You'll have to ask them yourself.

(muttering in Greek) (quietly): What are you muttering?

(whispering): This is bad, husband and wife like this.

Strangers.

I'm gonna go check on my boat.

CREECH: All enjoying themselves?

Ah...

This is my friend Lefteris, who is a dab hand at the santouri!

Would you like to be entertained?

Ten drachma.

GERRY (softly): No.

Right.

Ten drachma not to play.

(people laughing raucously in distance) ♪ ♪ LARRY (voiceover): Much as I enjoin everyone to travel, there is a melancholy that you carry in your suitcase, like a pair of weighty boots.

The joy of belonging-- to family, friends, a home-- is exchanged for the uncertainties of the lunatic, uncharted world.

I'm drinking a bottle of Bordeaux I've just nicked, so this letter could be long and somewhat free-form.

(insects buzzing) (boat engine rumbling) (talking in Greek) ♪ ♪ Oi!

Bugger off away from our boat!

♪ ♪ I have friends in the Corfu Police Force, so you are playing with fire!

♪ ♪ (skids) (panting) (fisherman speaking Greek) (boat engine rumbling) Yes, I should think so!

(fishermen shouting) (explodes) ♪ ♪ (screams) (sighs) (birds chirping) So this is how they braid their hair in the Ionian islands.

(women murmur with interest) Whereas in Turkey-- my last boyfriend was from Izmir-- they prefer something more like this.

Is this too much?

I think we're all far too conservative, don't you?

(crowd murmuring in agreement) (Prue chuckles softly) I've been thinking for some time of going Titian.

Or blonde.

(chuckles softly) Or you could jump straight to white hair.

MRS. KEMBLE: So, Margo, you're a trained beauty adviser?

Self-taught.

I find that so much more creative.

After all, nobody teaches one how to make love.

(chuckling, gasping) No, I'm toying with formal training, but I'm finding out a lot about myself, so my future may lie elsewhere.

Margo's staying in our home.

She's very much part of Prue's and my "gang."

We helped her through her ugly, spotty stage.

(Prue chuckles) And that's positively Macedonian.

(crowd murmuring approval) (playing poorly, out of tune) DIMITRA: So, what else can go wrong today?

Let's see what the day brings, shall we?

Out of darkness comes light.

(chuckles) What darkness have you in your life?

Healthy children.

Your English money.

Oh... Well, my husband died, leaving me with four... actually rather troubled children.

Eh?

We have never had any money.

We came here so that we could live cheaply.

But tell me about yourself.

What makes you unhappy?

Uh... being bored.

It's hard to imagine being bored with Spiros.

(chuckles wryly Oh, you will be surprised.

SPIROS: (chair slides, santouri continues) (whispering): What are they saying?

I wish they'd argue in English.

(whispering): He says she doesn't like him much anymore.

Well, she is quite hard work.

To be fair, she has entered the lion's den.

You are all quite intimidating.

No, we're not!

Idiot.

Right.

Who wants to... sing along to the... Well, the weird instrument?

(out-of-tune playing continues) Anyone?

There we are, boy.

All yours for, uh... 25 drachma.

(others gasping, exclaiming) Bush babies!

Skunks-- stand aside!

GERRY: Lemurs!

From Madagascar.

♪ ♪ (laughing, murmuring) (lemurs chittering) SPIROS: What do they eat?

LOUISA: Anything not cooked by Creech.

(laughing) (chittering) BASIL: They're not interested in the food.

♪ ♪ (yelps) BASIL: Oh, my goodness.

Don't, don't panic, Dimitra.

BASIL: I can't look.

(Lugaretzia speaking Greek) (door creaks opens) Shut the door!

No, keep them in!

BASIL: All right!

All right.

(jangling coins): Right, you win.

Stop playing.

(stops) (door creaking) Did you not hear the explosion?

What?

No.

They've blown up The Sea Cow!

Oh, darling, you loved that boat.

(sighs) We must all go home in the car.

♪ ♪ (insects chirping, chickens clucking) ♪ ♪ Will this be all right?

Well, it's not built for eight people, a dog, and... two weasels.

(closes door) You should take it slowly.

(slams door): You think?

Thank you, slowly is a good idea.

THEO: I've never sat on a man's lap before.

LOUISA: How are you finding it?

Disconcerting.

(door closes) Think of Basil as Father Christmas.

(in deep voice): Ho-ho-ho, little boy.

I'll try standing up.

(car keys jangling) (engine grinding) Motor car make me sick!

Oh, yeah, Lugaretzia had better be by the window.

LOUISA (sighs): They're wriggling about.

It reminds me of being pregnant.

(Leslie groans) (Theo groans) (engine continues grinding) (engine starts) (Spiros pulls brake) ♪ ♪ (Zatopec reciting in Armenian) (honking) (honking) (honking) ♪ ♪ Hmm?

Hmm.

(slurring): Hello, darling.

(insects chirping) (engine hissing) DIMITRA: Oh, no, I don't believe this.

We have to wait.

She's overheating.

LESLIE: The car, or your wife?

Sorry.

I'm upset about my boat.

(all groaning) I apologize, Dimitra.

(straining): It was supposed to be such a lovely day.

Well, it's brilliant, now I've got two lemurs.

BASIL: To be honest, apart from meeting the vivacious Dimitra, it's far from brilliant.

Lunch cost me the equivalent of 800 pounds.

Well, you did smash Larry's very expensive bottle of champagne.

If you'd communicated properly with your son in the first place, we wouldn't have been on this wild goose-chase.

But otherwise, what a nice day.

Mr. Theodoros was sick on Leslie lap.

LESLIE: Then my boat was blown up.

So I've had the worst day.

I'm always the victim.

For the record, you did push Gerry into the sea with his clothes on.

Well, all right, but apart from all that, what a nice day.

I'm going to walk home.

DIMITRA: (whispering): What are they saying?

(whispering): I don't want to tell you.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Everyone, I'm sorry.

You had to see my... private problems.

I spoiled your day.

(softly): No.

You really didn't.

Well done, dear.

You took Lytchett Matravers by storm with your improvised ramblings.

People are so nice here.

I think I'll stay in the area for a bit.

Are people not nice in Greece?

Yes, they are, but I love the fact that in England, people speak English.

(knock at door) We wouldn't have it any other way, would we, dear?

No!

It sounds obvious, but today I realized that the key to confidence is being able to express oneself.

I feel I can do anything now.

Hello again.

I was walking home, and I realized we might be able to help each other.

Oh?

My daughter Maud's governess had to leave suddenly, and I was wondering if you could take over.

Gosh.

You have, well, the oomph that my daughter needs.

(exhales) I would love to be a governess.

Oh, how splendid!

Here's Maud.

MRS. KEMBLE: Maud, this is Miss Durrell.

Hello, Maud.

♪ ♪ BASIL: Lovely eyes, strong teeth, firm calves.

LESLIE: Stop now.

Well, I'm not saying that Dimitra could do better than Spiros; what a bloody woman.

(Ulysses squawks) If she was that brilliant, they wouldn't be sucking the life out of each other.

She can suck the life out of me whenever she likes.

Hmm, well, she won't be rushing to join us on another picnic, except to maybe sprinkle arsenic on the cheese straws.

That was the best thing about my husband dying young: we never had time to irritate the hell out of each other.

(turkey gobbling) Excuse my hair.

It fell out.

(slurring): I have erysipelas.

Ooh... (quietly): Did she say she has syphilis?

(quietly): Yes, yes, she did.

Right, well, I'm going for a swim.

Oh, not now, Gerry.

(door closes) GERRY: This is so exciting.

Please could we put a limit on the number of animals in the house?

(chittering) A lemur!

(door opens) LOUISA: Marvelous.

(door closes) Now that will be all around Corfu.

What will?

That this house is a freak show.

♪ ♪ LARRY (voiceover): So to sum up, this is the difference between our triangle of nations: the English live in the past, the Greeks live in the present, and the French live in... France.

Boom boom, I thank you.

(pen scribbling) There's much chatter here in Paris of impending war, which makes me miss you even more.

Margo in England will be insulated from such fears, thanks to the good old British refusal to acknowledge that the rest of the world matters or even exists.

GEOFFREY (voiceover): My talk in the village hall went very well, though people are, of course, shy coming forward to express praise or interest.

Now I am retired, my life stretches forward like... An open road, with my trusty mucker Prue beside me, and nothing to hold us back except our imaginations.

(clock ticking) PRUE (voiceover): Dear Cousin Louisa...

The weather has been up to its old tricks over the past week.

Choosing a hat has been little short of a nightmare.

I am used to wind, but our old friend sleet raised its ugly head... MARGO (voiceover): I seem to have a job, as a governess-- yes, I know, very Jane Austen-- to a child called Maud, who looks like she killed and probably ate my predecessor.

But I feel armed and ready, having grown up in a family who, I now realize, have steeled me in the art of self-reliance, by never letting me get away with anything.

(Leslie grunts) (places poker down) LOUISA (voiceover): Dear Margo, We spent the day traveling, and I was reminded why people stay at home.

I hope Cousin Prue and Geoffrey are not making you feel the same.

Please resist the urge to poison them.

If they are, please resist the urge to club them to death with their own fire tongs.

We went on a picnic today and learnt at least two things: goats appear from nowhere and there is no corner of the world safe from Captain Creech.

The countess wasn't saying "syphilis," by the way.

She has a rare, temporary skin disease called erysipelas.

Ah, good.

Yes, that sounds less... Well, as you know, I never judge.

(chuckles) So, are we going to talk about Spiros and his wife and you, or just pretend today didn't happen?

Oh, darling, I'm so sorry about you and your blown-up boat.

You know, you mustn't... No, no, no.

Answer the question.

(inhales) I'm glad I met Dimitra properly.

In her absence, she'd become such a bogeywoman.

And of course she isn't.

She scared me.

Yeah.

You wouldn't fancy your chances in a fistfight, would you?

I think I'd do all right.

(chuckles softly) I went to a tough boarding school.

(breathes deeply) ♪ ♪ She's no different from me, really.

Well, you're not going to say it, so I will: Their marriage is in trouble, and if you play your cards right, you could be with Spiros.

♪ ♪ LINNEY: Next time, on "The Durrells in Corfu"... LOUISA: How can we make people here like us more?

THEO: Come to the Panegyri festival.

My friend has a new motorbike.

(spraying water) What do you think you're doing!

I have the same question for you!

You sent me in there to clear the way for your mother to be with Spiros.

LINNEY: "The Durrells in Corfu," next time, on "Masterpiece."

(singing in Greek) LINNEY: Go to our website.

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(song continues)